LIFE is bullshit

 

Life - Jake Gyllenhall

He’s only screaming because he paid full ticket price

I would file this one under the “Don’t waste your money” category if we had one here; instead I’ll just let this opening sentence be your first warning.  I won’t print any spoilers in this short recap, but I certainly intend to put this film on blast:  LIFE, the newest Jake Gyllenhaal starrer, simply isn’t worth living through.   It DID have a kickass trailer, though, so enjoy that one more time and then see the bad news after the jump.

 

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Warner has a winner in Wick; Chapter 2 sets down roots for a new series

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John Wick does not miss

I liked the original John Wick; I actually wrote about it before I even watched it a second time.  And here I am again, writing about the latest of what should become a long-running series for Keanu Reeves’ hitman done wrong.  After only one viewing, it has my stamp of approval.  Check out the trailer and then more after the jump:

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5 things I found suprising about Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

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Pissed-off Superman needed more screen time

(Spoiler warning)

Before I get into the list, I need to provide some context.
First, I didn’t see Man of Steel because I hate Zack Snyder.  Maybe hate is too strong; severely disrespect is closer to the truth.  And nothing in the trailers for that film convinced me I should see it, and the reviews definitely supported my choice to avoid it.  So there’s that.
Second, I severely disrespect Zack Snyder.  I mean, I give him props for being a money-making hack, sort of a “thinking man’s Michael Bay.”  Which is the definition of damning with faint praise.  While Bay seems to be making (crappy) movies for pre-pubescent boys (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers), Snyder seems to be staking out the freshly pubed (300, Sucker Punch), so to speak. To say my expectations were low is the height of understatement.
All that to say that I went into Bat v Supe not even considering that this was actually a sequel to Man of Steel.  So while I really dug the Batman origin story that was condensed into a wordless montage at the very beginning of the film, I was more than a little put off by the fact there was little to no exposition explaining Supe’s big, Metropolis-mashing melee with General Tso’s chicken or whoever dude was. Just like Everyman on the street, I was like WTF?  And also left wondering why, outside of opportunistic product placement, billionaire Bruce Wayne chose a cheap Jeep econobox to tool around the falling mayhem and basically do nothing.  Other than somehow avoid being completely covered in concrete dust.
But, I have to admit that I actually started falling for the film in spite of all that, and by the time Lex Luthor dropped the bomb on the Capitol Hill Crew (I warned you about the spoilers), I was fully on board with the idea that just maybe Zack Snyder actually made a movie worth watching. Quelle surprise!
Here’s the main trailer; check out the 5 other things that surprised me after the jump:

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5 things I thought were great about Gone Girl

Fincher’s frames Affleck… and Pike?

If nothing else, you gotta give David Fincher credit for consistency. I mean, he also deserves props for his sometimes daring, always stylistic filmmaking, but above all you can rest assured that he will, when all is said and done, deliver the goods in the form of a satisfying cinematic experience. His latest, Gone Girl, is the lastest well-earned notch in his belt.

Here the trailer; my 5 great things follow after the jump:

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5 things that were dreadful about Dracula Untold

Run away and don’t look back… at this mess of a movie

When your film gets slammed by both The Hollywood Reporter and Variety, two media vehicles that quite literally exist to promote Hollywood films, you know you have a problem, Houston. Dracula Untold promised quite a bit with its decent trailer; unfortunately, the trailer was the only highlight of the whole endeavor. Enjoy these fleeting minutes then brace yourself for my 5 dreadful things after the break:

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5 things I found incredible about Interstellar

Yes, this is actually a kickass sci-fi movie. And a father-daughter tearjerker too.

Okay, Christopher Nolan is back in my good graces. I’ve been seeing the trailer for Interstellar seemingly all year, and started to get worried that it might be overpromising a good time. Turns out I was worrying in vain, as this movie rocks its socks off. This is the science fiction/space exploration/save the world/time travel action/adventure everyone has been waiting for. Nolan delivers big time with this one.

Even though I’ve been a big fan since Memento, I was seriously ready to cast Nolan into the Closet of Hacks after the deep disappointment of that logical mess of a movie, The Dark Knight Whatever.

First the trailer (and believe me, this trailer barely scratches the surface of what the film actually shows) and then my 5 incredible things after the jump:

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5 things I found extremely enjoyable about Edge of Tomorrow

Yes, he’s a douchebag here, but a helluva hero later

So this was the one for me. Of all the summer movies, Edge of Tomorrow was the one that did it for me. It had all the key elements of a summer blockbuster: science fiction, end of civilization, aliens, monsters, monster aliens, cool technology, time travel and humor. And of course, lots and lots of explosions. EoT was helped tremendously by the fact that it featured the world’s top action star, Tom Cruise, who plays a smarmy guy who really deserves to have something nasty happen to him… and it pretty much does in the first 10 minutes. Then the film takes off like a rocket.

Richard Roeper of the Chicago Sun Times called the film “… a badass, sci-fi take on Groundhog Day, with Tom Cruise in the Bill Murray role as a self-centered and not particularly noble loner who finds himself starring in a continual loop in which he is condemned to repeat the same day over and over — which eventually leads to some life-changing revelations.” Yup. Check out the kickass trailer and then find out what I found so enjoyable about it after the jump:

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